The Vagus Nerve, Stress, and Learning to Let Go

There has been a recent discovery in my own body that has changed the way I think about stress, pain, and what it really means to relax.

For years, I have lived with tension as though it were normal. A hip pain that stayed with me for six months. A shoulder injury that has lingered for more than ten years. And underneath it all, a habit I barely questioned: holding my body tight all the time.

As a Pilates instructor, I know the value of engaging the core and using our muscles well. But somewhere along the way, that healthy awareness became constant gripping. Add to that a message I absorbed from a young age, that I should be thin and should always suck my belly in, and my body never really got permission to soften.

Shoulders lifted. Belly held in. Jaw tight. Breathe shallow. Always bracing.

Many of us live like this without even realising it.

What is the vagus nerve?

The vagus nerve is one of the main communication pathways between the brain and the body. It plays an important role in the parasympathetic nervous system, often called our “rest and digest” state.

When the vagus nerve is supported, the body finds it easier to slow down, regulate stress, breathe more deeply, and move out of survival mode. In simple terms, it helps us feel safe enough to relax.

Why relaxing matters

We often speak about stress as if it only lives in the mind. But stress lives in the body too.

It shows up in the way we hold our shoulders, brace our stomachs, clench our jaws, tighten our hips, and forget to breathe fully. Over time, this constant tension can leave us feeling tired, sore, restricted, and disconnected from ourselves.

Yes, our muscles are there to support us. Yes, core engagement matters. But not all day, every day.

The body is not designed to stay switched on all the time. It needs rhythm. Effort and release. Strength and softness.

My own experience

What has surprised me most is how much has changed when I began practising diaphragmatic breathing to help relax my nervous system and support the vagus nerve.

Before this, I was already going to physio for my shoulder and hip. I would feel some improvement, but it would last only about 24 hours before I was back to square one.

Since introducing breathing practices and consciously allowing my body to soften, something has shifted. My hip pain has disappeared. My shoulder is finally beginning to recover, with the support of physio, but now the progress is lasting.

For the first time in a long time, I have had an entire week without constant pain. Just a little blip here and there.

That feels huge.

Ways to support and relax the vagus nerve

The good news is that there are simple ways to help the body feel safer, calmer, and more regulated.

1. Diaphragmatic breathing

This has been the biggest shift for me personally.

Diaphragmatic breathing means breathing deeply into the belly rather than taking short, shallow breaths into the chest. It encourages the body to slow down and signals that you are safe.

A simple way to practise:

1. Sit or lie down somewhere comfortable.

2. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly.

3. Inhale slowly through your nose and let the breath expand into your belly.

4. Keep the chest as soft and quiet as possible.

5. Exhale slowly and let your belly soften.

6. Repeat for 5 to 10 breaths, without forcing anything.

   
   

The key is not to perform the breath perfectly. It is to allow the body to stop bracing.

2. Let your belly soften

For so many of us, especially women, holding the stomach in has become second nature. But constantly gripping the abdominal muscles can keep the body in a subtle state of tension.

Letting the belly soften, even for a few moments, can be deeply calming.

3. Drop the shoulders and unclench the jaw

These are two places where stress often hides. A few times a day, gently notice whether your shoulders are creeping up or your jaw is tightening. Then consciously release them.

4. Slow, mindful movement

Gentle stretching, walking, restorative yoga, or mindful Pilates can help the body move out of stress mode, especially when the focus is on awareness rather than performance.

5. Humming, singing, or extended exhale

Because the vagus nerve is connected to the throat and voice, gentle humming, singing, chanting, or simply making the exhale longer than the inhale can help encourage a calmer state.

A gentle reminder

If you have been holding yourself together for a long time, physically or emotionally, your body may not know how to relax straight away. That is okay.

This is not about collapsing, giving up, or never using your muscles. It is about remembering that healing also needs softness.

So today, notice:

• Are you sucking your belly in right now?

• Are your shoulders creeping upwards?

• Is your breath shallow?

• Are you bracing without meaning to?

  
  

Take one slow breath into your diaphragm. Let your belly soften. Let your shoulders drop. Let your body know it is safe.

Sometimes the most powerful healing begins there.